No matter how much you plan, life can be unpredictable. Your previously secure home life and relationships can transform into a rocky road full of unpredictable twists and turns. When you think you’ve got everything back under control, life throws another curveball.

We live in challenging times, which are always easier to navigate with a trusted partner or spouse we can lean on for love and support. But what if anxiety and uncertainty raise their ugly heads in your relationship? Firstly, know that you are not alone in asking yourself if your connection with your partner is secure.

Secure Versus Insecure Relationships

One of the best ways to understand whether you are in a secure relationship is to consider the meaning of the terms secure and insecure. For example, you may feel secure in your job for a time, but things can change. Downsizing, shifts in management, and turbulent economies can all make you feel vulnerable in your career.

A relationship where you talk regularly, have an active sex life, and have few arguments are considered stable. Relationships degrading from stable to unstable will experience communication breakdowns, escalating conflicts for trivial reasons, and declining levels of intimacy. Further to this, you may be in an unstable relationship if you:

  • Constantly feel anxious
  • Avoid your partner
  • Are regularly preoccupied
  • Dismissive
  • Fearful

As you become more aware of your relationship’s instability, you may feel like something is off but can’t quite put your finger on it. Don’t delay trying to turn things around because these feelings are often the warning signs telling us it’s time to get guidance from a qualified therapist.

How to Know the State of Your Relationship

To prepare for your therapist’s appointment, consider the following points. These will give you a good idea about the stability of your relationship that you can discuss further with your counselor.

You Embrace Change and Growth

Change is inevitable, but it’s unpredictable. Do you and your partner deal with change together, or push each other away and argue when times get tough? Are you even motivated to tackle these challenges with your partner?

Maintaining harmony in the relationship will mean having some shared goals, practicing compassion and understanding, and seeing the humorous side. Old resentments can be like a festering tumor eating away at the relationship. Cut them out of your life and choose a healthier, more forgiving outlook.


Do you share a balanced partnership? Dependence on each other is crucial, but it shouldn’t be the only source of reliance. Evaluate your level of commitment by observing how you cooperate and provide mutual assistance.

Can you manage this without compromising the fundamental aspects of your life, necessities, and health? If this seems uncertain, there’s a risk you are sliding into codependency, which signifies an unstable relationship.

Your Feeling of Commitment

Regardless of how long you have been together, it’s natural to sometimes question whether your significant other is content and dedicated. Yes, these doubts can cause discomfort. However, addressing them through open and honest dialogue is healthy. Do you both still share a long-term commitment to the relationship?

Is There Trust in the Relationship?

Insecurity is a breeding ground for mistrust. It’s essential to step back and give yourself room to analyze your emotions towards your partner, particularly concerning trust. When you consider the following, be honest with your answers:

  • Am I secure enough to be open and vulnerable with my partner?
  • Does this relationship provide me with stability and solace?
  • Can I freely express my true self around my partner?

Communication Style

Transparency and respect conveyed through face-to-face communication are the cornerstones of a secure relationship. Practicing honest communication will help you:

  • Develop truth and honesty
  • Be apologetic and forgiving
  • Identify areas of possible conflict

Engage a Therapist

We’re all expected to put on a brave face and show courage during adversity in our relationships, but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy. It’s okay to show your vulnerability.

While your relationship might feel like it’s on shaky ground, a little support is all it may need to grow strong again. Being too close to the challenges can make it difficult to see the forest for the trees. Stepping back can change your perspective and reveal opportunities. Counseling, either individually or as a pair, is an excellent way to improve your grasp of the situation.

Together, we can assess your relationships’ subtle and not-so-subtle interactions, highlight potential weak spots, and intervene before they become insurmountable obstacles. A life’s journey is never predictable, but we can all find comfort and security in stable, loving relationships, and most are worth saving.

Discover more about how to get started on your journey to create more health and happiness in your relationship. Visit here to learn more: Couples Counseling